Papa's Hospitalized

So my father has been diagnosed with 2 types of cancer since the summer, and he's going into the hospital tomorrow for a BoneMarrowTransplant. I've held all my tears in until now. As the summer progressed and so did his chemotherapy treatments, I wanted to move out of the house so freakin badly because I couldn't stand the stress in the house. I left the house just before school started, and soon enough I got closer to my father than any of us kids. I used to fight non-stop with my dad, but now it's just trying to keep the peace in the family. My family has gone through so much with this illness that I feel like we've grown stronger as a whole and our bond cannot be broken with the high spirits we have now. In the beginning, it was hard to understand what my father was going through, but now I think we understand just a little bit now. As I attend college at SJSU, I spoke with my father more and more each day until I came home to my family in Millbrae. Before his diagnosis, I tended to bump heads with my father because we are both very stubborn, but after I found out about what he has, I learned how to talk things out and try to mend tears in our family. Now, I'm like the mediator in the family, its ridonc!
Its Wednesday and my father is getting admitted to Stanford Hospital tomorrow morning at 9 AM. Since Sunday, I've been crying about the whole thing because of what's going to happen with my family. Saturnday and Sunday, my father got to see all his closest friends and family, for the last time because he cant be around people for around a year due to the healing process after his BMT. Sunday, he got annointed with healing oil that "they used in Jesus' time to heal the sick". My mom and I started to cry as the priest did the annointing, but that's just females being females =P Tuesday, I was with Babe, and I started crying out of nowhere and he was wondering why I started crying in the first place. I told him what I was feeling and he kept reassuring me that this is for the best, but I felt like some of this was my fault. Of course I shouldnt be feeling this but I do. Idk why, its hard to explain. I've been wanting to cry like this for a long time, but I never found the right time to let it all out. After I finally let it all out, I felt some kind of relief that my father is going to be fine after the transplant. I'm glad that he was lucky enough to spend the holidays with his family and people close to him. I'm just scared, he's nervous, but I'm scared because I never would've thought that my family would go through something that's a lifetime.
I want to thank everyone that is keeping my father in his prayers for a full recovery. God, please watch over my father as he fights this battle against life itself. He needs your guidance and healing power.
<3LaurenNicole.